#So that it would feel like we earned it
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A big part of the Haikyuu rewatch is watching the characters interact and worrying that I fandomized their relationships too much in my head, particularly with the Karasuno first years because Hinata and Kags keep Yamaguchi and Tsukishima at arm’s length for so long. But then I remember. Oh wait the squad is literally Hinata’s phone background by the end of the story. You don’t put a picture of just some dudes in your after school club as your phone background.
#ane discovers character development takes time who wouldve thought#personally I think wthe change happens when Yachi and Tsuki start tutoring them#It’s around the time that there’s a shift in their bickering so that it’s more. ‘familial’ isnt the term I’m looking for but like#the kind of razzing you can only do with someone you know#Tsukishima for example starts bringing up specific things they studied together to dunk on Kageyama not remembering any of it#And another subtle thing I noticed- cause again I started going like ? did I fandomize my entire perception of Tadashi too much?#cause for the first season he doesn’t interact with ANYONE but Tsuki. Like practically not at all except to brag about Tsuki to others#But I have a sneaking suspicion that this starts to change around the time that he starts getting on the court more often as a pinch server#Probably because it gives him more courage#Cause I remember him having a lot to say in the Shiratorizawa match#and I remember him getting along with Yachi! So like I’m keeping an eye out for those changes#haikyuu!!#Also my favorite part about rewatching Haikyuu is how the reveal of Kag’s backstory really does affect. Your entire perception of him#Like I know its probably cause he’s my fav but I always feel so frustrated when people assume the worst of him and so sad that even Oikawa-#who knew him back when he was a very happy and shy kid- doesn’t even question why his personality had such a sudden shift#but then I realize that the only reason I’m so aware of these changed is because Kageyama has ‘opened up to me’ as an audience member befor#Furudate waited hundreds off chapters to tell us that he’s been grieving a loved onesince a little before the very first scene of the manga#So that it would feel like we earned it#Idk how to explain it like when you meet someone who’s hurting it takes a lot of effort and patience for them to tell you why#in the same way bc we stuck by the story for so long and watching Kageyama learn to be more open#we got the privilege of learning why he was closed off in the same place#but Kageyama didnt give anyone at his old school the chance to stick around- not Kindaichi or Kunimi or anyone#So it makes total sense#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#yamaguchi tadashi#tsukishima kei#yachi hitoka#karasuno first years#my post
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Man is it just me or are a lot of TV shows nowadays are written to have big emotional episodes in scenes with very little build up.
#txt#i have some thoughts on a certain show.... maybe i'll talk about it lol#like you would think with shortened seasons these writers would try to limit the cast so that big scenes feel more earned... but they dont?#they want these big massive expansive casts with big emotional moments by episode 2 and then every episode needs that Big Scene#i noticed this especially with a lot of indie animated shows#pacing and build up is sacrificed so we can have big emotional scenes with characters we know very little#even indie shows i enjoy im just kind of like “wouldnt this feel more earned if i actually knew this character”#and sometimes it works. pluto made me cry in the first episode! but it also spent so much time with these characters because#they're an hour long each
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#honestly in a finale of absolutely baffling choices this is one of the most confusing. in what world#did some (maybe all? we literally don't even know) crew members forgive him? yes#did they love him? jasifjioajfiosjdfjsk#what kills me is i wish. i GENUINELY wish this were true. i would've wanted to see that season so bad#it would be satisfying and make sense and this line would feel earned instead of like a mad lib#ofmd s2 spoilers#ofmd season 2 spoilers#ofmd negativity#shan't be tagging this one further#**
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#p4#persona 4#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#EVERYDAY IM HOWLING. EVERYDAY IM SCREAMING.#for context this comes at the heel of yosuke charging at mitsuo kubo in rage because of his flippance towards killing saki and he's hit har#but souji and kanji jump in to protect him#like ok a lot of things going on here such as the obvious OH MY GODDDD yosuke being yosuke and taking things on for himself#because he doesn't want to bother people?? because he's made it his own responsibility? because his survivor's guilt is still lingering?#i mean don't tell me he doesn't look at how he surrendered to his shadow like apart from his self-sacrificing propensity#i low key feel like everytime yosuke demands answers about saki's death from the murderer/god/etc there's this undertone of how#he would rather it have been him#he cheapens his own life so much and for what#BUT ALSO!! ALSO!! not just souji jumping in because we know he would he's down bad for yosuke BUT ALSO KANJI#listen you've all heard me talk so much about how i adore kanji yosuke friendships#i can't really tell whether it's kanji or souji that says “haven't we earned your trust yet” but it's a line that hits SO HARD#regardless of which one of them was saying it and i think it hits hard in slightly different manners#it's kanji's admiration and how he looks up to yosuke and how he wants to be closer to yosuke as a friend/kouhai/whatever you want#tatsumi “who's your partner now!” kanji has so much respect for yosuke he wants yosuke to rely on him too!!!#and this stands out because kanji is very conscious of social hierarchies and such but as a kouhai as yosuke's junior#he's so specific about wanting yosuke to treat him as an equal#i smtimes feel bad for kanji because he has a bit of that vibe of a poor puppy trailing after souyo because he wants to be in their convos!#he wants to be included! but critically he also just! wants them to SEE him!!#going a lil off tangent but i think kanji's attitude towards souji is very much one of kouhai respect like he understands his place#of like deferring to souji or getting advice from him and just generally regarding him as a reliable mentor#and it's the same with chie and yukiko? but idk man. with yosuke. guys. with yosuke i always feel like kanji wants to break that hierarchy#that convention. that social norm. to cross a line and be closer to yosuke.#he's more willing to tease yosuke in a way he doesn't with the other 2nd years. and this isn't coming from a place of disrespect either#AGAIN. KANJI REALLY LIKES YOSUKE. he wants to protect yosuke!!! he jumps at the opportunity for yosuke to rely on him!!#i'm getting delulu but there's those hints of “yosuke senpai i want you to see me as a man!!!” kind of energy here and i'm it's yknow hmm
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#i feel like my presence here has narrowed so much because my life has narrowed so much to encompass mostly pain and frustration#with the medical system and disability and the state of my fucking country#and the occasional highlight of my cats#i can't work on my art#it's agonizing to even try and i wind up crying#and it's because this horseshit rigged system has ripped the safety out of it#i might as well give my work away for free since they want to take 100% of my earnings out of my check#which like i am not even remotely opposed to giving my work away (would prefer even) but we need the money and i'm not allowed to keep it#i don't know#my life is just so small right now and i don't know how to find meaning again in a world that keeps so much of what i love away from me#it's a slog and every day is the same#and nothing i do feels meaningful#except holding my cats and being with my boyfriend#and that's about all i can do.
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no actually I’d like to hear your thoughts on the isat ending
Like i said it felt really tropey and by that i meant that it’s just Everything Good Happens forever and…..that’s it ? like idk we were building up to this huge catharsis sort of thing and then we got to it and it was so sudden and not a good payoff and just kind of nothingburger of an ending . the fact that everyone just forgives siffrin bothers me, or at least the fact that they don’t confront them about the shit they’ve said and done. call me a mental illness villainizer but i think if you’re a fucking asshole and doing the most insensitive things to the people you care about then hey, i think those ppl have a right to fucking tell you off for it. likeeee idk being at your lowest point …… not an excuse …. not feeling it chief ……. like sure the message is to move past your mistakes or whatever but ? that doesn’t mean just getting away with it ??? and i just really don’t understand Why everyone forgives him. honestly at the end of the day the ending is just one problem, the root of which are the characters. everyone feels like trope cardboard cutouts. oh, this is the smart one. this is the smol bean. this is the himbo. and they all care for each other btw. Did u hear that? they all care for each other. we’re not really going to explain to you why these people are so close or what they went through together but just trust me man they’re sooo found famy. like …. okay. i’ve played 30 hours of this game and not once did i buy that any of the characters really cared about each other. like??? why???? You’re telling me everyone super cares about siffrin even though they barely know them?? you’re telling me siffrin cares about everyone sooo much even though he never even bothered to find out their problems before ? Wat ? and this just breaks the ending more because literally whyyy do these people care about him so bad. and then it’s just whyyy does siffrin Have to tell them anything he doesn’t even seem to know them that well. everyone feels like colleagues and Just Friends at best. and so the ending just seems really forced. like it was written by that type of tumblr user who’s always talking about aww why does the found family have to break up after the end of the journey :( which is like fiiiiine. i guess. but u guys know that u have to build up to it right?? you can’t just tell me they’re Family Members(tm) 102829 times and that they super care about each other source: trust. you can’t just do that and then expect me to believe it ….. It feels unearned. the ending feels unearned and i don’ttttt understand what i’m supposed to take away from it . that it’s ok to fuck people up because you’re traumatized and insecure?? that you have to talk about your deepest problems with people you barely know??? i just dont know. Like i said if im being honest the problems with this game’s writing are more than just the ending, it just stands out so much because there’s a lot of build up and then just …… That
#honest to god if you want a Good Example of a story like this just look at dungeon meshi#we start the story from the end of the characters’ journey. they all don’t know each other very well and they’re just working together#hell they don’t even like each other that much. And then as the story develops and they go through their journey we get to see them bond and#get closer and fight and make up and admit they care about each other and still be mad at each other#nobody even gives a fuck about laios at the beginning of the story but by the end of it they’re all willing to die for him. THAT feels#earned. when marcille super fucks up and everyone tells her off for it but still wants to just make sure she’s ok That feels earned#like honest to god i’d take marcille’s arc any day than whatever’s siffrin going on#i just feel like this game suffers from a chronic Tell Dont Show syndrome. we get old over and over again that these characters are close#told*#and that they care about each other. And that’s just ….. not a way to write a story ………#when all the characters exist just to comfort the Whump Main it’s like how am i supposed to get invested. in any of this#u know when the dev replied to someone who was asking them how to write a story and they just said ‘glue your fav tropes together until it#becomes a story’? Well i think that is isat’s main problem. it’s not really a story. it doesn’t really have characters#it’s just a bunch of tropes in a trench coat. And let me tell u that is notttt how you make a story. at all. at all#anyways this was supposed to be about the ending but this story just has so many inherent problems i could critique it forever🤷♂️ my badddd#it’s fun as a game and it’s Fine as a story but at the end of the day it just reads like fix-it fanfiction to me#which is not Bad on its own but i wish people would at least recognize how the story is kind of built on sticks#cramswering
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lays on the floor do you guys ever think about how in ResF Bulma falls for Vegeta's fake-out with Freeza and both she and Yamcha are worried about Vegeta's villain fake-out strategy in Champa and Beerus' mini tournament and how it's only been a couple of years since the Buu saga and how Vegeta straight up stopped using that strategy after that tournament
#i do#do you think he noticed it upset her twice in a row and was like 'oh I haven't earned the trust back yet i'll retire this strat'#'it's fun to scare people but i do not like my wife being scared we can put this one up on the shelf for emergencies only'#because like bulma can consciously trust him and I'm sure she does but one can still have The Fear if you've seen your spouse relapse befor#And he probably thinks it's very amusing but it is also almost certainly very not funny for her no matter how much she trusts him#and the next arc is Trunks and she's so worried about the way he left she ignored the PDA rules and squished him when she saw him alive#Because Geets determination can be self destructive when it comes to Bulma and Trunks and he killed himself to protect them once before#and knowing how connected they've been for so long some part of her probably Knew he would opt to stay behind and die like he was going to#And I love the idea that between those two events and all of the things Trunks tells him about Bulma during the GB arc Geets has to really#really be confronted with how loved he is -- and it's not that he wasn't aware before but knowing she even missed him at his worst#and loved him maybe even before she was pregnant -- means the cruel part of his mind can't make excuses for why she stayed with him#I also like to think that being confronted with the idea that Bulma is still scared for him getting his worst wires tripped#wouldn't be offensive to him. Knowing he's still got work to do if his wife is worried about those things happening to him again#is just proof that she loves him with his flaws and was still thinking about it and supporting his recovery when he didn't#even notice he was recovering -- which has always been true of her -- and now he has the chance to support her recovery in return#and being in a place where he can still put that work in to make her feel secure in his priorities is a privilege and a gift#and man I just really like how casually comfortably close they are in Super's manga I love them a lot they worked so hard#to make each other feel safe and secure for the past decade+ that it's Easy for them both now and they're SUCH a confident couple#and I am once again shaking the anime by the shoulders WHY didn't you give us that they are SO the team's Mom and Dad in the manga#until Goku riles Vegeta up -- then Piccolo is the team Dad. Bc Piccolo is the team Grandpa aksjda The Z-Fighter's locker room judge#dbtag#vegebul#putting the whole essay in the tags again oops#happy pride i am gay for a whole married couple
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your room was square
i once noticed from there
in your bed, as you slept
and i held my breath
everything had its own place
and i wondered what space would i take
in the order you kept
#in this drawing i wanted to use the song ‘Square’ by Mitski#personally i feel like this song is about being in love and trying far too hard to be the perfect lover that you are incapable of being#to me it’s like trying to see where you fit in that person’s life and not knowing where you belong in it#but then you’re still longing for that feeling of belonging there with them#so you self-destructively go to great lengths to ‘earn’ your place with them#i feel that the self-destructive behavior of trying to be that perfect lover just to ‘earn’ their love#is exactly the ‘burning’ that Mitski describes#it hurts trying to fit in but not quite succeeding again and again and again...#this is something that i think i relate to#trying far too hard to belong with someone who is 'only sometimes madly in love with me'#and says that i 'wouldn't be their first choice'#-that person kept switching between wanting me as a friend and a lover and now i am neither#and yet therein lies the problem: if i cared less and gave less effort#perhaps we could’ve worked things out without me trying too hard to “earn” their love#but why would i ever try to care less?#the situation was doomed from the start and i lost a friend in the process#i made this illustration to reflect that the best i could. I think the square motif was particularly obvious—#the canvas itself is a square and the illustration itself has to fit in a square box#everything else i drew would have to fit within this box to maintain the “order”#the colors are all some type of blue with not too much contrast except for the text eyes and teardrop on the figure#i wanted to keep contrast low within this illustration— everything should be “fitting in" after all#for the figure itself i wanted it to be clear that the figure is being forced into that square#its body’s being forced into that half of the box and even then its head is forced downwards#it’s clearly not fitting comfortably but it’s sure trying its hardest to#also also also!!! i wanted to do more angular shapes with this drawing because square and whatever lol :P#i don’t think i was particularly obvious in communicating that in the drawing though#but anyways i just wanted to draw to help process something that happened to me a while back :0#i still think i love that person but just like how i don’t have a place in their life#i don’t think they have a place in mine and i think i’m starting to make peace with that :D#jaevyart
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I've always liked this line of dialogue from SQX, because it does feel like at the end of the day, no matter how much SQX says he can't stand PM, he does still have a decent grasp of his character.
And on the other side of this, these words are just especially pointed towards Pei Xiu, who does have a good relationship with his boss/ancestor, and also going off his backstory, Pei Ming may well have been the first person in his life to acknowledge him and his talents.
So the whole thing just feels extra sad.
#that said it does bug me that px never seems to feel guilt over his own actions only how those actions affect banyue and pei ming#get it together you sopping wet cat of a man!#i've always wanted to write this but don't have the skills necessary#but i think a lot about if pm's faith in px does feel uncomfortable - is he acknowledging him because he sees his worth#or because he's a pei (something that has never helped px in any way in life)#everyone calls px a nepo baby but no no he's a hard worker and earned what he has#if anything i feel like being pei ming's descendant is still dragging him down because he's the only upper court official we know of#who's playing subordinate to someone else instead of managing his own domain#(fandom always thinks he's middle court but no its stated several times that he ascended properly lol)#(and i just find that beautifully tragic and fitting in his own way)#(px: always the understudy never the lead)#aaaanyway this all contrasts in a fun way with sqx who is the actual nepo baby#is also worshiped in conjunction with someone else BUT never reduced to just that relationship#idk just as pei ming's relationship with both shiblings is important to me#i find sqx's relationship with both peis very fascinating and wish sqx + px could be explored more#and also I want to see where swd + px fit into all of this because there's also so much potential there!#(incidentally the thing that started all of this is i was skimming the russian tl for something the other day)#(and noticed this line was translated as 'pei ming would never behave in such a way')#(and just thought that sqx calling him 'pm' here instead 'your general pei' gives the line a different vibe haha)#(it's sounds both more intimate and pointed if that makes sense?)#(anyway can you tell i am very starved for peixuan content? both peixuans)#tgcf#random tgcf thoughts#shi qingxuan#pei ming#pei xiu
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Hi! I just read your post about Mateo recently. If I may, can you give me any specific instances in the narrative of the show where Mateo isn’t called out as heavily as they should have? I’m just curious?
During the Shuriki returns arc in particular, Mateo makes some pretty glaring mistakes that I feel like he should've gotten much more flack for (and based on what we see elsewhere in canon, I feel pretty confident that if Gabe, Naomi, Isa, or Esteban at least --and possibly even Elena-- had made these mistakes, they wouldn't have been swept under the rug nearly as quickly as they were for Mateo).
While it's unfair to completely blame Mateo for Carla's manipulating him during the "Rita" arc, I feel like it's reasonable to hold him a *bit* accountable. He did after all blab highly confidential information (on more than one occasion) to try and impress a pretty girl with how clever and important he was. (Something tells me that if any of the others had done likewise, they would've been called out for it. But because it's "beloved" Mateo, we don't even get "wait, you told Rita how to get into your workshop? And you've known her for only a few weeks? What were you thinking, Mateo?") Moreover, he never even apologizes for this or promises to do better/be more careful with such important, sensitive information in the future.
Even more aggravating is his behavior in "The Scepter of Night." Mateo is so eager to play the hero and claim all the glory for himself that he twice (!) disobeys a direct order/abandons the plan and goes looking for the scepter piece on his own. This directly leads to Fiero and Victor finding the scepter piece and (temporarily) stealing it. And it's really only due to luck and very conveniently-timed infighting amongst Shuriki's allies that Elena and co. are able to get the scepter piece back. While Mateo does receive some (brief) criticism, it's nowhere near the level that it should be.
Also noteworthy Elena doesn't really get particularly "mad" at him (especially considering how angry we see her get at other characters even for more minor things) . She's not truly, actually angry at Mateo (and Gabe and Naomi are only a bit angrier); she's just a little frustrated and disappointed at him in the moment. And apart from a (very short) little "do better next time" speech, Mateo doesn't face any real consequences or lingering resentment unlike other characters who do.
When Isa obeys direct orders in "Sister of Invention," she has to face consequences (Elena grounding her). Similarly, Elena holds a grudge against Esteban for days (if not weeks) after he interfered with the Feast of Friendship (a much lower stakes mistake than Mateo's imo). Moreover, it's possible to interpret Esteban's staying behind in Avalor when the others go to see the Norberg Lights as a punishment (either self-inflicted or imposed by Elena) for his actions in the previous episode.
In contrast, Mateo just gets a brief "I expected better from you" speech from Elena and Gabe jokingly assigning him push-ups as punishment (which he immediately takes back when Mateo tries to do them). I'll give Mateo a little bit of credit for actually apologizing this time (which he doesn't always do). But it's still frustrating that everyone is so ready to forgive and forget Mateo's missteps immediately while this same courtesy is seldom shown to others.
I think it's worth directly comparing a few Mateo-centric episodes with a few more similar ones that focus on other characters so that we can see how there does seem to be a noted narrative bias in his favor compared to the others.
Let's start with two "feeling kind of insecure" episodes: "Spellbound" for Mateo vs. "Naomi Knows Best" for Naomi. In the former, Mateo expresses doubt that he's capable of rising to the occasion as royal wizard. No one (except Gabe and he gets over it by the end of the episode) blames him for not having reached his full level of confidence and potential right away and not being able to immediately solve the problem. And Elena in particular (and by extension the narrative) gives him so much validation and support. Whereas in "Naomi Knows Best" (and to a lesser extent "Finders Leapers" and the "Carla-as-Rita" arc as well) the narrative "punishes" Naomi for her feelings of self-doubt. We're told that *if only* Naomi had trusted her gut instincts and stood her ground right away, Elena and co would not fallen right into the trap and that Naomi needs to screw her head back on straight and embrace confidence ASAP to fix her mistake.
When Mateo feels insecure, the narrative gives him every reassurance about how capable and special he is, that he can learn at his own pace, and his insecurity isn't really such a problem after all. When Naomi feels insecure, the narrative encourages her to get over her doubts as quickly as possible because unlike with Mateo, there's "no time" for her to wallow in self-doubt and actually the fact that she even had said doubt in the first place is what "caused" the disaster.
On a slightly different note, Naomi is also called out for taking a little free, fun time for herself in "The Last Laugh" when the group needs her, and yet somehow I have a feeling that Mateo would've been allowed to take a day off if he wanted without any protest. He complains about long hours in "Movin' on Up" and Elena gives him the big royal wizard's chambers for him to relax and unwind in. Naomi asks for one (1) day off to spend with her childhood friend for her birthday , and suddenly it's big drama. (And at the time, Naomi asked for said day off, all Elena needed from her was help doing paperwork. The Team Ash stuff came up unexpectedly.)
Similarly whenever Gabe and Mateo get their little rivalry on ("Spellbound," "Party of a Lifetime," "Captain Mateo" and a few other examples) , the narrative either presents them as equally at fault or Mateo as the only one in the right.
When Gabe brings in Bronzino to train the Royal Guards in magic, it's specifically because Mateo failed to explain how and why he was training the guards in the way he was. If he'd just explained how they were going apply the seemingly basic exercise they were doing to real magic, Gabe likely would've allowed Mateo to continue the training at his own pace.
(Also like. it's super hypocritical imo for Mateo to get annoyed at Gabe feeling impatient/impulsive about their apparent-lack-of progress when Mateo himself is easily the second most impulsive character in the show after Elena.) Mateo feels entitled to keep important information to himself (or blab it to a cute girl he barely knows) even when its no one else's best interest. He's only okay with being "cautious and patient" when he specifically is the one setting the pace. And yet, Gabe is the only one who is called out for his behavior in this episode--even though he might not have acted as he did if only Mateo had trusted him and the guards with an explanation in the first place.
And then there's just a few other "dude not cool" little moments that never really get acknowledged/Mateo never apologizes for. For instance, there a two low-key terrifying Mateo moments in "Captain Mateo" that are not only not acknowledged but are also framed in context as Mateo being just "so funny and quirky". Near the end of "Should be in Charge," Mateo magically gags Gabe so he can't protest anymore about Mateo taking over as leader of the mission. And this is after having already enchanted one of the stationary suits of armor to come to life and fight Gabe. (Gabe admittedly does lightly shove Mateo out of the way during his parts of the song, but that's still a far cry from literally drawing a sword on Mateo as Mateo does via magic to Gabe.)
It's played for laughs (The Grand Council is just smiling happily in the background throughout the scene which is so yikes), so it's easy to overlook what's actually happening. Frankly, it's pretty horrifying that Mateo's natural instinct upon his experience/authority being questioned is to literally attack and then silence. (And attack and silence someone who is supposed to be one of his best friends and closest allies at that!)
Rather than the narrative acknowledging that maybe it's a bad idea to immediately grant power to someone to someone who is so retaliatory against fairly minor criticism, the Grand Council just gives Mateo exactly what he wants and doesn't even offer a "maybe next time, let's not gag or attack our friends, okay?" alongside it. I mean sure Mateo does step down as captain at the end of the episode, but it's very specifically presented as his and Gabe's voluntary choice and not an order from Elena/the Council.
#elena of avalor#eoa salt#it's not mateo that bothers me so much; it's the double standard that nearly every other character is held to while he is not#gabe is the only one who ever seems to call mateo out on his shit regularly#and most of the time; it's framed as petty jealousy and/or gabe being unreasonable#even when gabe is the one talking sense#i feel like i've heard that mateo is one of the writers' faves and dang does it SHOW!#we were owed a dark mateo arc tbh#mateo thinks he's the next alacazar but I don' think it would be all that hard to turn him into the next fiero instead#it writes itself and honestly i would've liked him more that way#instead of just presenting him is as the specialest; cutest; quirkiest magical boy instead#let him go dark for a short time before realizing his mistakes and then have to work hard for everyone's forgiveness#esteban has to sacrifice his life in order to earn forgiveness for an (admittedly huge) mistake he made 40+ years ago#yet it's apparently too much for mateo to get more than the mildest rebuke over a (also big) mistake he made less than an hour ago?#also like whenever esteban or gabe are really proud/cocky or naomi gets single-episode acquired situational narcissism in “my fair naomi”#the narrative absolutely punishes them for it#whereas mateo is free to be as over-confident and braggy and vain as he wants and seldom gets called out on it#because i guess he's genuinely as 'cool and special' as he claims so he deserves the right to brag?#whereas the others' apparently aren't and don't?#anti mateo de alva
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blood of arlathen HITS when u go into it w the concept of it being clan lavellan u have to save <3
#tay plays datv#datv spoilers#oc: ashara#like w the double blight in the free marches so many clans would have no choice but to choose death by taint or migration into tevinter#honestly kind of equally bad but. theres the mindset of ''maybe we can hide in arlathan forrest'' which ultimately leads to smth like this#making sense. yknow.#ive said it once and ill say it again this whole game fucks severely when you're hallucinating 70% of it and retconning the other 15%#also. i may be killing off ashara's twin sister in this quest. maybe. ive had a foul week and its not even WEDNESDAY. im feeling villainous#ashara is the only da oc i have who gets a happy ending and so its only fair she needs to suffer more than jesus to earn it <3#i love tragedy im sorry mithra but the truth is you were death flagged from the start#i also think it would be fun having deia describing to solas afterwards how they found a dead woman who looks just like the inquisitor#and watching the light leave his eyes a little when he realizes 😍 LOL !
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so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!
#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency#adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid#then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!!#everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others#rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you#make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing#or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult#yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred#like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn#so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you#anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds#so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask#like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and#his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking#doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie#and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it#(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me!#and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead!#and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is.#but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’#like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid#who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it.#i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow#anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness
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When somebody only uses my chosen name while putting me down, it kind of makes me wish I didn't have a name at all.
And when somebody only uses my pronouns when they try to coerce me into something, then switch back to they/them when talking about me to anybody else, it kind of makes me uncomfortable af.
I sincerely do not enjoy being labeled or referred to. Being referred to is such a negative experience for me irl.
Yet not giving people a set of name/pronouns when they ask automatically seems to make them think you're secretly a serial killer trying to cover up something?????? Or like you're untrustworthy and must be hiding because you're a Bad Person instead of just not wanting to label yourself.
Can I just please not be forced to label myself for everybody else's comfort?
I feel like that information is so personally intimate anyways like unless you know me and we're close, why do you even care? I don't think it's necessary for the first stages of getting to know somebody even though in this culture we've normalized it to be that way.
Plus if I don't give you a name then I have the opportunity to earn one. Give me a name that you think I deserve and let it be what you honor me by instead! How about that? It's probably the only way I'll be comfortably perceived since some people will change my labels as they see fit regardless. Just call me what you like, I feel like my name/pronouns have been corrupted as is
#i feel weird about having a name and a gender and pronouns assigned to me.... such a weird thing to make a big deal#i mean it's a big deal as in you need to write names down for job apps#and when i walked in to request for emergency aid the person looking at my case asked for my pronouns#which just felt so irrelevant and it didn't make me feel any more respected#and i can tell some people are so uncomfortable using the pronouns that i say are mine that they'll opt out for ones they give me instead#which is like WHY DID YOU ASK IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO DO THAT ANYWAYS#silly things just don't make sense and to me they bring more trouble than they're worth#those things have been used as weapons against me so why keep giving ammo yk?#also i like the process of earning a nickname#one time this girl got offended that i reffered to her as snake girl the second time we met and i was like???#imagine being offended that somebody remembered you for having 4 corn snakes instead of using your boring old name#like when people call me fuwa i feel like they're honoring me as a blogger#i get it i get it this culture is just so strictly uncreative and boring#if i had a cool new name from each person who knew me i would be so cool with that#like if somebody i met found out i liked sasuke and then started referencing to me as sasuke boy i would actually be so happy#idk dude#also sorry to that girl for calling her snake girl but honestly her loving her 4 snakes actually felt more significant to me than her name#in other cultures they refer to parents as “[insert child's name]'s mom/dad” and it's actually seen as being so respectful#like it's the family bond that gets honored instead of the individual and idk maybe some people take that to be a negative thing but#imagine as a parent loving your kid so much and then everybody identifies you as the parent who loves their kid#maybe that's dehumanizing in a sense idk#i see it as an honorable thing to be bestowed by others#yeah maybe people can be mean and call you “poop boy” for the one time you shit your pants while drunk#i get not liking being called “poop boy” but like dude... you're a legend and the story behind you earning that name would be legendary#idk i guess it's all about perspective#i don't know if I'm making sense#feel free to share thoughts#late night blogging
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I know it’s been said before, but you spark so much joy with your headcanon & arthur/eames discussions 🥺 also! Still thinking of that pic of Tom Hardy in a muscle tee & other recent photos of him where he is lots of grey in his beard. Idk if you saw JGL at the ceremony where he presented rian Johnson with an award but he had a deep velvet plum suit on, a beard and his hair is long & wavy. & now I’m thinking about older eames/Arthur who are comfortable happy and still sickeningly in love
Nonnie!!!!!!! Thank you so much for stopping by, these asks always are so thought provoking and indulge me so much, I'm always happy to talk about Arthur/Eames and Inception in general!
Okay so, I had not seen that video and I am SO GLAD you brought it to my attention. JGL LOOKS SO FREAKING GOOD!!! THE SUIT!!! THE BEARD!!! THE CURLS!!!!!! Oh my god. If anyone has not seen the video check it out here you wont regret it.
And, you said it -- "Comfortable, happy and (still) sickeningly in love" is all I want for Arthur and Eames (and my life tbh). My headcanon is that they settle down and retire and while they still dabble in a little criminal action here and there (like being criminally sexy!!!) they live quieter lives a handful of years after the Fischer job. They love each other, right? They want to be safer because they want to build a life over building dreams, because life can be so short, you know, and I think in the film you learn just that--anything can happen at any given moment and you just...slow the hell down. Even when that means taking life in the slow lane and changing course - and so they do.
I imagine Arthur and Eames in their forties and fifties, teaching and consulting for work - Eames being disgusted every time he does his taxes and Arthur being disgusted with himself for wearing polo shirts in the summer and secretly loving it. They are starting to go grey, more grey with every handful of years - they are starting to go soft in places. There are crows eyes and forehead lines and heartburn and creaky bones. Diets to manage IBS and blood pressure. Worse, they start to do things their parents used to do -- like watch the news on TV and mutter into their dinner about idiot politicians and neighbours who park like dickheads on the street and wont trim their trees back out of their yard, and they reminisce about how things were different when they were kids and seriously why the fuck are they the only normal people who live on this street?
They keep busy. They learn new things. For his forty-fifth birthday Arthur builds Eames a library in their Philadelphia home with his bare hands. Eames buys the battered skeleton of a '67 Ford Mustang and restores it for Arthur. They read books and watch movies in bed and keep guns in their bedsides just in case. They go on long drives together and still sometimes travel the world to see old faces and so they still remember what it feels like to be homesick and miss the good life. Eames' knees play up. Arthurs back has seen better days. They're uncles to their siblings kids and to Phillipa and James. And they take that job very seriously.
They still have their domestics and spats every now and then. But they make up and move on. They're partners (in life and crime) and they get their thrills out of making the other happy. They're the people the other cannot wait to come home to.
They have always attempted to manufacture their own luck and they finally did it because here they are, content and happy.
#they trim their neighbours damn trees back in the middle of the night and leave the branches on their doorstep to trip over#they steal their other neighbours paper (they get their dog to do it) at random so no one knows its them#i only do happy endings#maybe i'm getting boring but i just love domestic arthur and eames#growing old(er) together#seeing their priorities change like ours all do when we grow and age#because there is a point in life#especially ESPECIALLY when you lived fast and hard in your twenties#and/or earlier#that you say#'nah no more im done ive done it i want some fucking peace and quiet'#and you are grateful for that peace and quiet#because while you would never regret the experiences you had living hard and fast#even the grief#the loss the awfulness#you wouldn't change the peace for anything#you feel like you earned the stillness and the quiet#and it is valued to the point of it being priceless because of those tumultuous years#when you didn't have it before and you get it you don't want to give it up#and maybe every day is not sunshine and daisies#but you're no longer in survival mode#and while the memories of before are rose-tinted frankly you never want to go back there#the domestic fics are the most 'realistic' ones to me#for this reason#anyway nonnie i appreciate you#arthur x eames#inception#now i want to write a 5k slice of life fic
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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#i am at my fucking limit lol#i need to leave this fucking town and this fucking state the very second i can nail down both a car and a remote job#the fucking ''''affordable'''' housing company i rent from has once again opted to start harassing us#and we're once again gonna have to be in a fucking fight with landlords who think that we're making too much money to live in a $1200 apt#and want us to pay $2000 a month for this rathole we live in despite taxes and deductions literally absorbing a quarter of our earnings#so they want to absorb half of what we have left when ive yet to be able to even afford a car that isn't a fucking beater destined for scrap#at least not without using p much all of my current life savings in the process#so we have to instead get around by buses that refuse to actually show up take us on huge detours for no reason have lead feet that-#-exacerbate my chronic pain and - oh! how could i forget? is also horrifically mismanaged to the point where they're now canceling entire-#-bus routes including the one i take to work and ALSO GOES TO THE AIRPORT lol#and nothing will fucking change about the highway robbery rent hikes bc the entire state legislature is filled with and bought by-#-landlords NIMBYs and property management firms.#that's not even getting into the fact that ive got too many traumatic memories too many enemies and not enough good things to show for it#the only thing I've got in this fucking town is my partner bc not even our home can be considered safe anymore.#i want to take them and the home we dream of and get the fuck out bc i can't keep doing this shit#and i can't even fucking talk to them about this bc they need me to be the strong one for once#im so tired. i feel like im in danger even though i know we'd be able to tank the hit to our finances. but i would like to escape.#i know of a city in ny where our $1200 rent is considered the norm. there's also so much more to do within reach that isn't just. drinking.#i wanna go there. i may have had a desire to live there since our vacation there this past March.#but for now im stuck here dreaming of the future and fighting off desperation and despair in the present#this breakdown brought to you by: the bus purposely avoiding my stop this morning after learning my landlord wants to ruin us again#vent
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